


Memoirs of a Coconut

by Dream_Weaver3721



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Boys Kissing, For a Friend, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Seven Minutes In Heaven, connie is gay, erejean - Freeform, everyone is in there but I only tagged the ones who speak, idk - Freeform, im trash of the worst kind, implied ereri, kindof, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 02:56:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7873495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dream_Weaver3721/pseuds/Dream_Weaver3721
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fic for my friend and anyone who ships Armin with Connie. I don't ship it, so it's a terrible one shot but oh well deal with it I think it's cute and funny<br/>------<br/>The corps finds out that Connie is not straight. Jean decides to find out who the bald coconut is gay for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memoirs of a Coconut

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it's really short but I ran out of ideas and I wasn't exactly sure how to write this. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> And my friend, I struggled with this all day just so you know. I don't care how bad it is you will read it and you will like it (I'm kidding this is absolutely stupid but here you go have some Coconutcest.)

When people found out that Connie was, in fact, not straight, everyone went into shock. They had all assumed that he would have ended up being the straightest dork for Sasha, but that wasn't the case. The problem was figuring out who the bald coconut had it for.

One night, in an abandoned office space, Jean started a game of seven minutes in heaven with all of their 104th friends. This was obviously a front for finding out who exactly it was that Connie liked more than a friend. However, it was entirely possible that Connie wanted one of the higher ups, such as Erwin or Mike. Jean thought about inviting the squad leaders, but Levi terrified him. Short bastard would probably just tell them to stop fooling around and clean something while he beat Eren to a bloody pulp for being an idiot. That would be entertaining, but Jean was on a mission.

Ymir and Christa were off the list, as were Mikasa and Sasha. That left Eren, Armin, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Jean himself. They definitely had an interesting game ahead of them. Jean went in the closet first, as a good host does, while the others chose who the lucky person was. He waited, blindfolded and ear plugged for several minutes before he felt someone being shoved into the tight space with him. He knew that there was only a one in nine chance of it being Mikasa, but a guy could hope. The person was around the right height and build to be Mikasa, and he fought that he had scored big time.

He was wrong. After seven minutes playing a one sided game of tonsil hockey, Jean was let out of the closet, giving his blindfold and earplugs to the person currently in the closet. Damnit. Eight people stood in the room besides him, and one of them was Mikasa. It was at that moment that he didn't see Eren. Everyone laughed as Jean went pale, realizing that he had just spent the past seven minutes making out with that damn Titan bastard. 

He was about to get pay back. He thought about the rumor of Eren being with the corporal, more like making the corporal scream out chants of "Oh, yes, harder brat, mmmf yes more. Right there. Fuck, fuck, fuck me deeper." He figured since Eren supposedly had a thing for short shits, give him someone closer to Levi's size. It was Connie's time to shine, but not before being put in quite a convincing wig. 

As Connie was shoved in, the people in the outer room could hear Eren stammering, probably thinking that it really was, somehow, the corporal based on build and the wig. This was also going based on Eren's sense of touch, as he couldn't see or hear anything. A yelp was heard, probably from the Titan-shifter. He must have tried to do something stupid and got himself kicked by Connie. Jean guessed that Eren wasn't his type.

Seven minutes of awkward silence later and Jeager was released from the confines of the closet. He was told that it had been Connie. Meanwhile, Connie was instructed to take off the wig, and become temporarily blind and deaf. A few minutes of debating went by, who would be the one thrown into the closet with the coconut? Jean and Eren had already had turns, and Bert and Reiner both refused. That settled it.

The Aryan Coconut.

Armin was nervous about this. He had been sure to keep his huge crush on Connie a secret from everyone, and now they were all about to find out. He felt a hand on the small of his back push him into the small room, knocking off Connie's blindfold in the process. It was dark, sure, but Connie could make out that it was the blond anyways. He took out the earbuds in surprise. 

"A-Armin," Connie began, unsure of what to say. "I wasn't expecting for you to be put in here with me."

The Arlert could feel the heat of his friend radiating off of his cheeks. Connie was… blushing. "Surprise?" Armin said, sounding incredibly awkward and adorable. He was so close to his crush, he could feel Connie's breath on his lips. "Um I just wanted to say that I know we aren't really super close friends and you do ably think I'm a crybaby but I like you, and-"

Armin found himself silenced by a pair of lips on his own. He definitely wasn't expecting that. His crush just kissed him. "Armin, no one thinks you're a cry baby. You're amazing; one of the Corps's best strategists. We would all be dead if it weren't for you." Connie said. "And I like you too." 

The two could have sworn that they had heard a horse whinny outside the door, but it must have been Jean. There was also a muffled "I called it," but the coconuts ignored whatever was going on the other side of the door in favor of using the rest of their time to cuddle. Five minutes passed, and the door was flung open.

Connie was still hugging Armin close, the blond listening to the other's heartbeat. "So," the obnoxious horse-face addressed, "Coconutcest huh? Would have pegged you for the kind of dude who likes tall, handsome eyebrows, Armin." 

"Are you insinuating that you thought I was interested in the Commander?" Armin replied, quite annoyed. "Well I guess that means that I can tell Connie why you really wanted to play this game. To find out who he was gay for."

"Who's Connie gay for now?" A voice came from the doorway. It was a bespectacled maniac by the name of Hanji. Behind them, an amused Erwin and extremely grumpy Levi. "And you realize that Erwin is over twice Armin's age right?"

The sight of the three officers made everyone jump, stuttering to come up with an excuse as to why the hell they had been making so much noise. Then Levi spoke. "You dumbshits realize that my office is two doors down, yes? Look, I don't care what the hell kind of excuses you ten make, anyone in my squad gets double exercises in training tomorrow. Now get your asses to bed."

Levi's squad gave him a quick "Yes sir" and salute before heading to the barracks, leaving their other friends to be disciplined by their squad leaders. Jean was on everyone's shit list for the next few days; it was his idea to play so close to the corporal's office. 

Connie offered Armin the chance to share a bed for the night, which was gladly taken. The cots may have been small, but that just made it easier for cuddling. The coconuts curled up around each other, falling asleep and dreaming peacefully for once.


End file.
